Waxing poetic

I feel sorry for Andrew Motion. Not only does he have a very hilarious porn star-style name, he is also the poet laureate for the United Kingdom and as such has been charged to create "a cheerful commemorative poem about Prince Charles's impending marriage to Camilla Parker Bowles." I like the word cheerful here. I like that they had to specifically INSTRUCT the man to be cheerful. It's a wedding! Did they think he would create something along the lines of:

Oh help, my soul cries.
Horrible woman here stands,
Please don't make me wed!

There is nothing more wonderful than a royal wedding. Well, okay, maybe really good sex or a freshly brewed cup of Dunkin Donuts coffee. But since I have had neither lately then I have to go with "royal wedding" as the most wonderful thing going on in my life right now. The pomp, the circumstance, the pomp and circumstance.

Do you know of any woman who hasn't day dreamed of being whisked away by some monarch or duke or whatever to have a gigantic wedding and then really be a princess? And we know it can happen because we see it in movies and television all the time! And if there is one thing I have learned, it's that movies never lie. Television, yes - lying bastard, but movies? Never.

So what would I write if I were the poet laureate?

Say, well done old chap
Have fun with the new lady.
Can I date your son?

Or if I wanted to get away from haiku form....

Happy Happy Wedding Day
The sun is out, the guests are gay
I mean not literally, it's just a poetic way to say happy.
Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Will there be flowers and music and such?
Will there be bridesmaids who are Dutch?
Most importantly how is Prince William?
Would I get arrested if I go up and flash him?
Not that there's anything wrong with that.

See, not so easy being a poet laureate. But do you know what's even tougher than that? SPELLING poet laureate.

Man, I need help.