An open letter to the Westminter Kennel Club Judges

Yo, Westminster! It's me, the Welsh Pembroke Corgi from yesterday's show at Madison Square Garden. I gots me some complaints.

I can't believe I didn't win Best in Show. You went with Champion Kan-Point's VJK Autumn Roses?? A German Shorthaired Pointer?? Sure, Carlee is pretty to look at, but you guys should know she's a royal bitch.

And what kind of dog allows herself to be named "Autum Rose"? That is so gay. At least I have the wherewithall to be called "Champion 14 Carat A Walk To Remember". That's right, 14K. Even my name gots bling, what what!!

There were other dogs who were real cool dudes and you just totally ignored us. Like the Puli, the one that looked like a gigantic black mop? Yo, that's my dawg! And the Old English Sheepdog? That dog could rip your face off if it wanted - don't be put off just cuz it looks like the thing got electricuted before it came out for judging. His trainer styled the fur like that even though I told him it made him look like a damn springer spaniel.

Just once I wanted to see the Doberman pincher or maybe that crazy bastard German Shepard just go nuts and start barking and growling at the judges. That would have been the dog-shiznit!! Maybe that's something to plan for next year. Boost the TV ratings - which by the way we see JACK from thank you very much.

There are a host of other dogs who you totally ignored by picking the German shorthaired, I'm just sayin' it ain't right. I hope you like your shoes, cuz next year swear to God I'm peein' on them when I see you.