Why I shouldn't have accepted that offer of overtime

Friday night, my long term temp assignment came to an end with a generous offer of overtime. Needing the cash, and generally being a moron, I accepted. Below lies a blow by blow account of how the night played out. Warning, this account is not for the faint of heart.

September 9

5:15pm Whooohooo! Overtime!!!!!!!!!
6:30pm Construction worker walks out of the plastic E.T looking thing and says
"ola! you are with us tonight?"
"Yes"
"okay, I will be finished at midnight by the earliest"
"oh. kay"
"yeah, lots of work"

6:31pm Great. Just great.

6:34pm Constant sound of hammering, sawing, metal crashing together and the Spanish insults being hurled at a variety of animate and inanimate objects

7:14pm Realize that they are not actually filming Extreme Office Makeover here. Ty Pennington is not going to show up.

7:19pm Decide to go to Wendys for dinner - dollah menu!! What what!!

7:32pm Return from Wendy's and Dunkin Donuts. Pray to choke on food or unneccessarily hot coffee. No such luck.

7:50pm Continue typing memo

8:05pm Hammering. Hammering. Hammering.

8:30pm Discover Carlos Santana cd in someone's cd player on their desk. Turn that shit up.

8:48pm Getting cramped and cross-eyed from typing memo. Realize still have at least 4 more hours to go. Life has lost all meaning.

9:06pm Discover 20oz of coffee may be 19oz too much.

9:14pm Evaluate possibilty of sleeping here. Decide not worth carpets not getting cleaned because cleaning service couldn't move my immobile body.

9:29pm Start composing resignation letter. Realize this is an essentially meaningless venture.

9:30pm Play "what does this wire do" in server room

9:32pm Get bored, go back to typing boss's stupid fucking memo

9:48pm Start questioning the existance of God.

9:48pm Time stands still

9:52pm Convince self I've been typing the same page of notes for the past 5 hours

9:53pm Vow to go out and pollute the crap out of some nature preserve

9:55pm NORMA!!!! (The cleaning lady)

10:00pm What the shit did she just say!!?

10:07pm Consider using screwdriver on Brian's desk to jam out eyeballs

10:08pm Realize i need them to see

10:15pm Experience vivid hallucinations that Dunkin Donuts guy gave me decaf by mistake

10:30pm Why God? WHY? I"m a good person. I go to church. Why do you hate me??

10:31pm These mother fuckers better finish this shit right now.

10:32pm AreyoudoneyetAreyoudoneyetAreyoudoneyet?

10:48pm Build historically accurate Scottish castle using old computer boxes

11:04pm Walk aimlessly around offices.

11:15pm Time self on how long it takes to sprint from elevators to president's office

11:35pm Give me that goddammed hammer. I'll install the door my self.

12:39am The sweet release of death is my only hope at ending this nightmere

1:00am Finish typing boss's notes.

1:15am Construction guys tell me about another hour or so before they finish

1:16am Discover highlighters are hilarious.

2:15pm Uh, remember at 1:15 when we said we'd be done at 2:15? We lied."

2:45am Give up, start eating all the food out of the fridge.

3:00am That wasn't yogurt.

3:09am WHY AREN'T YOU FINISHED!!!?????

3:14am THE DOOR IS FINISHED! THEY'RE FINISHED! O SWEET MERCIFUL GOD I CAN Go HOME!!

3:15am Did I lock the new door before putting the keys away and locking up the office??

3:16am CRAP

3:18am AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

3:21am Well so much for getting the full time job.

3:29am Uh. Pat? This is Gayle.

3:30am Gayle Crispin.

3:31am There's a problem with the door.

3:32am Will you stop hanging up on me? NO, that's not a metaphor for something.

3:33am Okay, he's coming in.

3:34am Soooo not getting a job at ED.

4:00am Boss arrives, from Jersey.

4:01am 18 hours after walking into ED YESTERDAY MORNING, I finally go home.

The end.