Five Years Later

A quick note of peace and blessings to all my readers on this day. This is an update to something I wrote a few years ago. I hope you like it. The photo is from my friend Doug Taft who now lives in NYC. Doug and I went to elementary school together and I'd like to thank him for letting me post this great picture. I hope my words do it justice.


No one has ever considered me unpredictable or particularly spontaneous. I have my Palm Pilot, my steady 9-5 Monday - Friday schedule, punctuated with weekend responsibilities. I know it's a Tuesday because that's when my writing group gets together. I plan my marathon and vacation schedules months
in advance. January 1 to December 31. Normal. Predictable. Until five years ago when the way I think about dates, time, and everything else was changed.

Like just about everyone I know, the anniversary of September 11 has come and all the feelings I had back then are with me again. I can't even begin to imagine what waking up tomorrow morning will be like for all the wives, husbands, sisters, parents and others whose loved ones are no longer alive. I can't even imagine what these past five years have been like or them. By what can only be described as a miracle, all of my friends and family in both NYC and DC were safe that day. I'm lucky and I know it.

September 11 changed the way I think about a lot of things: my family, my friends, my life. Living hundreds of miles away from my friends in DC and thousands of miles from my parents in CO didn't seem at all weird on September 10, 2001. Who cared if I was single on September 10, 2001? I'm independent! I can take care of myself! Right? And yeah, it's okay I'm 'just a secretary' on September 10, I had my whole life to figure out what I wanted to do. I had all the time in the world. On September 10.

And then what started as just another Tuesday turned into the TUESDAY I will never forget. I saw the face of the city I love change forever. Not just structurally, but emotionally too. I will always remember having to walk from my office to meet up with my friend 3 miles north on that day so I would have someone to walk home with - which would be another 4 miles of walking but at least I wasn't alone. Having to email a friend and ask her to please call my parents to tell them I was okay when the phone service went out. Frantically worrying about my friends who work at the Pentagon until I heard they were okay. Waking up each morning for a week and not being able to look out my apartment window without crying. Walking down the streets with nearly every surface covered with missing posters and impromptu memorials of flowers and candles in the subways. And for some reason I have never gotten over my dislike of crowded spaces.

What have I learned in these past five years? First of all, I've learned that I have to let God be in control of my life. I can't fully explain my ability to have hope in times of such sorrow, but I know I couldn't have gotten through the year without my faith. Secondly, it's a gift to be funny. Even when things are impossibly tough, sometimes all it takes is the sound of laughter to
cheer someone up. My third lesson is related to the second...I learned not to take everything so seriously and personally over these past 5 years. My job doesn't define who I am, and neither does where I live or how much money I have. Sweating the small, inconsequential stuff just results in smelly clothes. And I hate doing laundry.

So here we are. Five years later. In these five years I started doing standup comedy. I found my passion - comedy writing - and I've been mildly successful at it. I've fallen in love, acted in a couple movies, and learned to make a kick ass risotto. My life changed on 9/11 but I think it's changed in a good way, and I hope the next five years of my life are as transformative as the past five have been.

September 11 will always be remembered as a day of tragedy and loss. But I hope that many years from now I will look back and have it also mark the first day of a new chapter in my life. When I didn't let fear keep me from doing what I need to do. When I realized what a gift it is to have friends and coworkers who support me. When I came to fully understand just how blessed I am to just simply be here.